: homesickness. It’s 3am, I’m in bed with a migraine, typing at the speed of 0 to avoid waking Andie with my keyboard clicks. I do love being abroad. Seville is undoubtedly beautiful, I have amazing friends and my days are never short of spontaneity or excitement. But, having migraines again has made me realize I miss being home and being normal. I don’t know how to deal with non-abroad-Dara problems while being abroad-Dara. I almost thought I would stop having any issues while abroad-- physically and mentally. Honestly, I did for a while. I’ve been so busy and distracted that I quite literally forgot about my depression and chronic migraine.The thing about homesickness is I objectively do not desire to be back home. I talk to the people I love at home almost every day, and have built a great loving community here in Spain. There is so much opportunity here, things I’ve only dreamed of doing during angsty high-school episodes where I would look up flights to foreign countries and swear I would leave the next day. Now I’m doing the same thing, but flights for my boyfriend, Micha, to come visit me. Or my family, or even a solo trip to the coast of anywhere just to forget again that I am still a real living person with real problems. I wholeheartedly believe that I only confront my emotions during late night creative episodes, but knowing my blog is going to be advertised by Chapman’s Global Education department, I want anyone who is possibly reading this to know it’s not perfect. You see other people do these things and have these amazingly picturesque experiences and you think “wow. Everything is going to turn around when I go abroad!” It doesn’t. You just have to re-adapt to how you handle your issues, and it isn’t easy. It’s things as simple as not having access to a kitchen, or not being able to climb into bed with your school roommates and watch stupid videos all night. I honestly have never desired to make myself pasta more than I do now at 3:09 am with my first class starting in 6 hours, and the fact that I can’t makes it even worse. I understand that change is good, but it’s still change. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to it or ever really feel “home” here the way I do with my parents, Micha, or Chapman friends. Culture shock is subtle, but it’s very real. I would prefer to call it Culture Realization, because at least for me, it hasn’t been a shock the way jumping into cold water would be. Culture realization is being hungry until 3pm because no one eats breakfast or lunch any earlier, or needing to change your wardrobe to accommodate this new thing called “winter” and the cobblestones in the street. I’m trying to be “Spanish” but the thing is, I’m just not. I will not adopt these aspect of living into my being in just 4 months of studying abroad. The important thing is that I’m trying, and I need to give myself the space to occasionally feel sad, or opt for a burger over paella because In-n-Out is suddenly absent from my life (honestly, the hardest thing to cope with so far). So, whoever is reading this: text me if you miss me, because I miss you too. Or just be easier on yourself during your abroad experience because it is SO much harder to just ignore what you’re feeling. And final note: keeping a blog has helped me feel connected with my friends back home and myself, so thanks to all my pals who read and respond.
Besos,
Dara